Breaking up with your boyfriend
To all females out there:
You have the right to date whoever you want and to break up with whoever you want. You have the right to tell a man "No" and to tell him that you do not want to be with him. No man should ever force you to be with him. Your happiness and safety matters.
Above is a photo of me and Eric skiing in Breckenridge, Colorado. We were taking a quick warm up break and I snapped this photo of us.
I met Eric during a tough time of my life. I had just lost my grandfather, two friends, was being sexually harassed big time at my work and was suicidal myself over the harassment and my dad only had months to live.
I was all alone in the state of Colorado. My mom and dad moved to Texas so my dad could be treated for cancer. My brother is in Colorado but he is married and at the time he had a kid on the way so he was busy with married life, which left me alone. I was all by myself and going through losing loved ones and friends and being harassed left me damaged, scared, hurt, angry, devastated and extremely lonely.
This is the time Eric came into my life. At first, Eric was a ton of fun. He would make me laugh and he too, had lost his mother to cancer 6 years prior, so we had something in common. He was just a good friend though and I was not ready for a relationship.
As time went by Eric wanted to be more than friends and of course I was just going through the steps of life so I agreed to be in a relationship with him. I was not thinking. My mind was numb and all over the place. I could not focus on really anything and decision making was a huge chore.
Looking back on it, Eric should never have put me in the position to make that huge decision of whether or not to date. I do not even exactly remember how I decided to be exclusive with Eric but somehow I did. My mind was numb and Eric knew my problems. He had lost his mother so he knew what it was like to lose a parent. He knew very well the feelings one goes through when a loved one is dying and he took complete advantage of my situation.
I did not see the signs right away though. I mean, Eric was pushy, very pushy, but he was a friend and someone fun to pass the time with. He got me out of the house and I laughed and smiled when I was out and about with him. It felt good to escape my pain for a few hours and to get out and actually do something.
As time went by, I noticed Eric's drinking. I was at that age where I was drinking and partying too but Eric's drinking was different. When I had enough to drink I stopped. Eric however, never stopped.
As time went by, I started to notice that he would literally drink from the minute he woke up until he went to bed. I remember watching him literally drink a margarita before 8:00 in the morning. Not only would he drink, he would drive too.
Sober Eric was a fun, lovable guy. He was easy to talk to and fun to be around. I could relax around sober Eric and I enjoyed my time with sober Eric. Sober Eric was a goof and had a great personality that everyone loved. When Eric was sober he was outgoing and social and kind. He was the type of person that people were attracted to.
Drunk Eric however, was a different story. You cannot even compare sober Eric and drunk Eric. They were two, completely different people. Drunk Eric was a dangerous monster. He was abusive and deadly. When Eric drank he was literally a ticking time bomb. You just never knew when he was going to explode. When Eric drank he was extremely impulsive and scary. He was rude and nasty and threatening.
I ended up leaving Eric because of his drinking. He was a raging alcoholic and even when he was sober he reeked of booze. Eric smelled terrible, like the alcohol was pouring out of his body. His stench lingered and no matter how many showers he took, he could not wash it off. It stuck on him like glue.
After I broke up with Eric he stalked me, literally 24/7. I met up with him in person multiple times to tell him face to face to leave me alone. I remember during these times Eric would ask me over and over why I did not want to be with him and my answer was the same. "I do not love you," I would tell him while staring directly into his eyes. He never believed me and would say, "You do love me. I know you love me. You are lying when you say you do not love me." There was nothing I could do to convince him that I was not in love with him.
It was September 14, 2016, when Eric finally had enough. In one of his drunken rages he came to my home with a gun. His intention was to murder me then kill himself. That night, he only killed himself. I would later learn that there was one bullet in Eric's head and another bullet in the chamber. The second bullet was for me. I survived.
Breaking up with men
Ladies it does not matter why you want to end a relationship. The circumstances around you breaking up with a man do not matter. If you do not want to be with someone then you have every right to leave and simply walk away. You do not need to stick around if you do not see the relationship going anywhere. If you want out for whatever reason then fine.
After Eric's suicide another friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend. He too was drinking and not helping pay the bills. She was tired of financially supporting him so she left. She told me that she was thinking about getting back with the man because he is suicidal over losing her. He had apparently been drinking and making threats to kill himself unless she came back to him.
If you do break up with a man and he does end up taking his life, like Eric did, it is not your fault. You are not responsible for anyone's happiness or safety. The only person you are responsible for is you, your kids (if you have them) and your family.
If a man threatens to take his life if you leave him then that is control, not love. No one has the right to force you through threats and control to make you stay with them. If they do then call the police and get away. Let the police deal with it. You are not responsible.
When I was with Eric I felt responsible for his happiness. I knew that as long as Eric was happy then he was not a threat. Happy Eric was a nice Eric. As long as I could keep Eric happy then I did not fear for the safety of myself or my family. Eric knew this. He knew that I felt responsible for his happiness and he knew that he could control me by threatening my life and my family's life if I ever left.
When I finally got away and got the police involved it was then that Eric really acted out. By bringing that gun to my home and taking his life he proved how deadly and dangerous he really was. Through his actions, he validated every fear that I had of him and he showed the kind of man he truly was.
If you have any sort of feeling that something is not right listen to it and trust it. If you feel like you need to leave the relationship then leave. Do not stick around under any circumstances if you feel it is best to break it off. If your feelings are telling you that something is wrong, then it is.